Secrets
by SPG inc
Summary: A reflection on the secret relationship between Raven and Beast Boy
1. Secrets

_**Never done any Teen Titans fics before as you can see, and I don't intend to do any more after this. Just wanted to register my approval of this pairing**_

Secrets

They kept their secrets well hidden. Maybe it was because they were embarrassed to admit to anyone the things they did for each other. Maybe they felt the rest of the Titans would laugh at the thought that the two most miss-matched members of the team were so pathetically sweet to each other. Perhaps they feared that if they let their strange relationship out in the open it would lead them to something more; something which they, even after all the battles they'd fought, didn't have the courage to explore. If one were to confront them about it, they probably wouldn't be able to explain it, yet Beast Boy and Raven still continued their funny little game.

At first it was just little things.

Sometimes Raven would use her power to heal a minor graze or cut that Beast Boy picked up from somewhere, even though she knew the use of her power in this way was undeniably irresponsible. And sometimes if Raven's emotions got out of control and something blew up, it would be Beast Boy who'd quickly sweep up the mess and distract the others with some stupid, unrelated comment, sparing the team empath as much embarrassment as possible.

There was no way anyone could guess how much the pair really liked each other. Robin, the team leader, simply accepted that they didn't get on socially but shared a strong respect for each other's abilities. Starfire had almost given up hope of finding a suitable Tamaranean ritual that would bring their 'fruggle-lopps' (conflicting personalities) into the unity of a strong friendship. Cyborg, who knew them better, realised that they did like each other, but believed that "As long as BB's too wild and Rae's too smooth they'll never run out of arguments". An outsider would never guess that there was anything but dislike between them, with Beast Boy apparently striving to irritate Raven to the point of insanity, and Raven seemingly making every effort to sap at Beast Boy's utopic nature with cynical comments and withering glares.

At first it hadn't taken any effort for either of them to show their special brand of care secretly.

Whenever Beast Boy had nightmares about how he lost his parents so many years ago, Raven sensed his distressed thoughts and came to his side to wake him from the fitful sleep, and didn't leave his side till he'd returned to a more peaceful slumber. Only when she was certain he was sleeping comfortably did she leave him a gentle goodnight kiss on the cheek and go back to her own room. Quickly and silently, did her bit of good and left, giving no hint to anyone of what happened.

If there was ever a time when Raven was having trouble with her meditation and needed someone's help, Beast Boy didn't hesitate to come with her to the roof of Titan Tower and help her in any way she asked, whether it be to talk with her, tell her stupid jokes and stories to occupy her mind, or just sit with her so that she didn't feel alone. Despite his clownish behaviour, the changeling titan was too caring to deny a friend in need and he knew what Raven needed from him. Where Starfire would be unable to keep anything to herself, and Robin and Cyborg would discuss things behind Raven's back for her own good, Beast Boy could be relied upon to not say a word of what transpired between them in Raven's more difficult meditation periods.

As time went on they still kept up the facade of dislike between each other, even though they each made an effort to look out for the other's interests. Beast Boy kept an eye on Raven when she made a nervous effort to try and join in conversations with the others, using his put-on explosive outbursts to create a gap in the constant flow of voices which Raven used gratefully to get involved with the energetic discussions. In turn, Raven was ever alert for any time something had gotten to Beast Boy. If ever it looked as though one of his ridiculous internet blind dates had blown up in his face, or he seemed particularly low after messing up badly in a fight with a criminal, she'd wait until he'd retired to the sanctuary of his room before coming to him to hear him out as he lamented and raged at himself, before she offered sage council which never failed to raise his spirits.

As all this went on, they still continued to do the little things for each other, like if the team happened to watch a movie together that was particularly moving, Beast Boy would scuttle over to Raven as a bug and pass her a hanky so she could discreetly dry her eyes without the others realising that her statement "I don't cry at fiction." was a lie; or if Cyborg and Beast Boy were challenging each in the video games and Cy was getting a bit too full of himself, Raven would be on hand to tip the balance by subtly pulling Cyborg's controller just out of his grip, giving Beast Boy a precious chance to wipe the smile off the half mechanical boy's face.

Of course, not all things escaped the notice of the rest of the Titans. When either one of them was sick or injured and had to stay in bed, it would be the other who'd volunteer to attend to their needs. Raven would prepare BB's tofu meals and take them to his room, passing off her behaviour by claiming tofu was the only thing she'd ever learned to cook properly, and Beast Boy would spend ten minutes perfecting a whole pot of herbal tea, claiming that herbal was the closest any of them had come to becoming vegetarians so he guessed he owed it to her. The other members of the Teen Titans noticed this, but they were merely pleased that the two of them were decent enough to make the effort to get along.

No one understood just how well they got on, or how much they really cared.

Beast Boy's chaotic nature hadn't deterred Raven's sharp eyes for long. She'd long since known it was a front for his self consciousness; it was one thing for a person to look incredibly pale, but another for them to be bright green. No one else seemed to notice that Beast Boy didn't keep a mirror in his room. No one even guessed that he might be ashamed of his unnatural skin. Every time someone referred to the smallest team member as something like 'grass stain' she felt her blood boil as the sting in Beast Boy's heart lanced into her mind. On so many occasions she'd come this close to leaping from her seat and screaming in the face of the one who'd passed the casual insult, but BB could read her reactions better than anyone thought he could, and a pleading look from him always held her back, though more than once she'd had to leave the room altogether. She knew why Beast Boy didn't want the others to know how much having green skin affected him- the others would feel heartbreakingly guilty if they even suspected that their playful reference to his skin colour wounded him like physical blows. They obviously meant no unkindness in their actions, so he wouldn't want to hurt their feelings over something he felt was so irrelevant. Since the day he'd verbally confessed this to her, Raven longed to tell him that his feelings weren't irrelevant and he should say something, but she held back, for she also knew that Beast Boy wanted to tackle, overcome and defeat his own aversion to his freakish appearance. She respected his courage and determination in the matter, and if the best way she could support him would be to stay silent then so be it, no matter how much it hurt to do nothing.

Raven wasn't the only one to spot something that others had failed to notice. Despite how much he yearned to see Raven just let go of her emotional restraint and joined in like everyone else, he allowed her to have her solitude. Out of shear habit he joked around and teased her and always tried to convince Raven to spend more time with the rest of the Titans, but in truth as soon as he'd done in once he'd back off and give her the space he knew she needed. He'd make his act of annoying her as though he were signalling to her he'd be on the look out for any time she felt like joining in with whatever the others were doing, and she knew he would because he knew her secret. When Beast Boy and Cyborg had accidently got lost in Raven's mind, Beast Boy had given the incident more thought than anyone else. The others had been pleased as it was the first time Raven had opened up to them a little. Distracted by this, they hadn't realised the significance of what had taken place in Raven's mind. BB and Cyborg had met three of Raven's personalities, each one personified as the girl in an extreme state of these emotions. After giving plenty of thought, Beast Boy had come to the shocking revelation of why they only met those three emotions- they were the three key emotions of Raven's character; the one's she'd display most openly if she didn't suppress all her feeling. They'd met Raven's courage because she was quite simply very brave, never backing down from a battle with even the most fearsome adversary. They'd met her happiness because, though she'd never admit it, she was a cheerful and fun-loving person at heart. And they'd met her timid side because- who would ever have guessed that in truth, Raven was actually a very shy young girl? It seemed so obvious to Beast Boy when he thought about it: The way she avoid even the most trivial personal questions, the way she ignored any sort of positive comment directed at her, how she rarely let anyone in her room, and how she still kept to herself and carefully controlled her emotions, even though it was safer for her to let them out these days. Beast Boy cursed himself for not understanding sooner that the more attention he'd given her as he tried to coerce her involvement in team activity, the more she shied away and resisted. From the day Beast Boy came to realise this mistake, he resolve to do everything within his power to correct it. While he made sure not to completely change the way he treated Raven, in order to avoid the other Titan's suspicions, he went out of his way to make sure that he didn't press Raven too hard and did nothing to humiliate or unnerve her when she plucked up the courage to get involved with something the rest of them were doing.

No one suspected this odd relationship between them (at least they hoped no one did). They never talked about it out loud, but they still found ways to show their appreciation for each other; twinkling eyes glancing in each other's direction, a sincere exchange of words, Beast Boy walking Raven to her bedroom door in a gentlemanly fashion at the end of a long day, Raven spotting when passersby on the street were eyeing Beast Boy's greenness with disgust and comforting him with whispers like "They're just jealous. Girls _do_ dig the ears." It always earned a laugh from him.

They kept their secrets well hidden. No one knew of the special, secret relationship they shared with each other.

No one.

Just them.


	2. Little things

_**So, I decided to add chapters to show the actions of 'Secrets' in effect. Please R and R!**_

* * *

* * *

Summer time in Jump City. The bright yellow sun warmed the town in its gentle light, and a calming breeze blew lazily through the streets. As well as that, it was a Saturday, so anyone who was not outside really ought to have been. With the crime rate at an all time low for the season, it was a wonder why the Teen Titans weren't out enjoying the weather.

The answer was simple.

In the garage of Titan Tower, four members of the team lounged around on anything they could find to sit on, while the fifth member towered over a blue and silver customised automobile.

"Nobody, say, ANYthing." the tallest person there said as he hunched inside the hood of the car with a wrench.

"Dude!!" Beast Boy whined loudly.

Cyborg's head shot away from the engine, clanging against the open bonnet.

"Damn it BB!" he exclaimed as he rubbed the side of his head that wasn't mechanical. "What is it about 'Don't say anything.' don't you understand!?"

"But dude," the green teen complained "how can the T-car break down!?"

"IF I KNEW THAT I'D HAVE IT FIXED ALREADY, SOY BEAN BRAINS!" Cyborg waved a wrench threateningly at the smallest team mate. "Just shut up and let me deal with this!"

"Beast Boy," Robin murmured as he rested his face in his hand "I think this might get dealt with sooner if you stop distracting Cy and let him deal with the problem."

"But I wanna go out _now_! Rae, can't you just carry Cy so we can fly to the park?"

Raven slowly lowered herself to the floor as she stopped meditating. She looked at the changeling.

"I'm not carrying anyone. This is my day off and I want to enjoy it. And don't call me Rae."

Beast Boy looked to Starfire for support, knowing she wouldn't pass up the opportunity to carry her boyfriend Robin on a quick flight through the city, but the Tamaranean girl was too busy examining the wall mounted board of 'earthly mechanical repair instruments'.

The T-car burped and shuddered as Cyborg tried to start it again, without success.

He glared angrily at the four Titans who'd looked up expectantly at the sound.

"There's _nothing_ wrong with my baby!" he insisted.

"Right Cyborg; I can just see that thing racing to the scene of a crime making a sound like indigestion."

Cyborg's single real eye narrowed as he looked at Raven furiously.

"Raven, I'd appreciate it if you'd just stow it for now. I'm _trying_ to concentrate, and you're not helping!" Cyborg raised his voice to the empath, earning a demonic glare from her.

"Hey, slow down guys!" Beast Boy said as he stepped between the two, holding out his hands placatingly.

Cyborg just looked at his little friend grumpily, then went back to the engine.

"Come on Cy, don't get mad." Robin advised from where he sat against the wall. "We've supposed to be having a nice day."

"In the garage." Raven couldn't help but add.

Cyborg literally growled at Raven. Beast Boy and Robin each sent a withering look towards Raven, who merely shrugged.

"Man, it's got to be something really simple." Beast Boy broke the tense atmosphere. Then, with a triumphant cry he said "Why don't I help you find the problem!?"

Cyborg's attention immediately turned from the second smallest Titan to the smallest.

"Nuh uh, man. I'm not letting you near this thing. It's bad enough you have to ride in it."

"Dude, don't be like that! Remember when you had that virus? I totally repaired you then!"

"I wouldn't have gotten that virus if you hadn't downloaded it onto my recharger in the first place!"

Unperturbed, Beast Boy darted around Cyborg's massive frame and stuck his head into the engine.

"Hey, what's this do?" the changeling's voice echoed out of the car interior.

Before Cyborg could drag him out of the car, Beast Boy yelped loudly and jumped a foot in the air, slamming his head against the car hood.

"Man, I burnt myself!" Beast Boy complained as he blew on his burnt fingers and rubbed his aching head.

"Never mind you fingers, what about my car!" exclaimed the half mechanical teen as he held up plastic pipe that was dribbling water everywhere.

"You pulled the overflow pipe outta the radiator! You've just totalled my car!"

"Hey, what's to total? The thing was busted anyway."

"It was not busted! I was this close to fixing it; this'll take about a month to take care of!"

"Please friends, do not argue." Starfire interrupted the exchange. "We must accept that the T-car has become 'total' and therefore must use our abilities to fly us all to the park to engage in activities of friendship and gorging of barbequed food, not remain here seeking conflict with one another."

Cyborg glared at just about everyone, the slammed the T-car engine closed and began to pack his tools away. Beast Boy stormed over to the picnic hamper which Raven had taken custody of and took out an ice pack for his hand.

"Unless you want to spend the rest of the day with Cyborg mad at you, I suggest you apologise to him now." Raven said.

"Why? I didn't do anything!" Beast Boy protested. Trust Raven to side against him.

"Well in fairness, you did." Raven unfolded her legs and climbed to her feet. "You know how touchy he is about his car, and everyone knows you know nothing about mechanics. It wouldn't kill you to just for once admit you're wrong Beast Boy, and I'd rather you deal with it sooner rather than later because if I got to carry Cyborg all the way to the park, his anger and resentment will slip into my mind, and all the meditation I've done this morning will have been wasted. It's bad enough that I've got to use that much power anyway, without having to deal with someone else's anger on top of that."

Beast Boy looked away from the empath. He hated when she said something that he couldn't argue with. At least when she was sarcastic he only took her half seriously. For a moment he considered accusing her of being selfish for only caring about her stupid meditation, but he decided against it. He didn't want to be at odds with Raven _and_ Cyborg. So instead he just frowned and concentrated on his burnt fingers.

Raven watched him for a minute, then she reached out, pushed the ice pack aside and grabbed his hand.

Beast Boy looked at her questioningly, before he felt a strange cool sensation that seemed to penetrate his hand right down to the bone. In just a second it was over, and Raven's arm disappeared back into the folds of her cape.

Beast Boy looked at her in surprise, then flexed his hand experimentally. It felt perfectly normal. No redness or blisters from the burn he'd received.

"You healed me?" he looked at Raven in confusion. "I thought you didn't want to waste your power?"

"Well, I'm going to have to use my powers anyway. You can think of it as thanks for distracting Cy when I made him mad."

Beast Boy was surprised. He'd intervened in the brief dispute between Cy and Rae just for the sake of the team in general. He was used to people blowing up at him, and he just brushed it off. But Raven in an argument with anyone was a recipe for disaster. He'd distracted Cyborg from getting mad with her (though for her untimely tactlessness, she probably deserved it) but he didn't think she might be grateful for it.

Gratitude from Raven- now that was a cool feeling. To earn her thanks when she so rarely offered such niceties was quite a treat; or was it more than that? Beast Boy wondered _'Do I really feel this good just because I made Raven a little bit happy to have me around? Heh; better not get used to it.'_

"Guess even you can't avoid setting the tin can off when it comes to the car." the green boy raised his eyebrows cockily. Then he looked back down at his hand and said "Thanks Rae."

"Well, there's more to it than that. Now you hand's fine there's no reason why you can't carry Cyborg." Raven turned away, a ghost of a smirk playing around her lips. "If you think I'm putting up with his complaining all the way to the park, think again. And unless you want him to make the flight as uncomfortable as possible, I suggest you work out how to get back on his good side in about three seconds flat."

"Dude!!" Beast wailed in dismay.

* * *

It was the end of a long, hard day. All the callouts had been small time villains and punks trying to make some quick cash. Still, it had been tiring, and the Teen Titans were flopped on the semi-circular couch in the common room of Titans Tower.

Hoping for some respite from combat, the young adult heroes had made plans to get a delivery of their most vital food supply, namely pizza.

As always, however, when ordering food there was no chance of minimal conflict.

"All meat, all you can eat, super deluxe mega wheel. About ten of those and you can't go wrong, so what's the problem?"

"The problem is that it's the grossest, weirdest, ugliest excuse for pizza ever created. Veggie supreme's all round I tell you!"

Beast Boy and Cyborg wrestled each other for the phone. Twice now, one of them had managed to get a call through to the pizza parlour. What the guy on the other end of the line must have thought of the sounds of screaming and fighting and wild exclamations of pizza toppings was anyone's guess.

Raven struggled to blank her mind to the chaos of emotions coming from the two as they fought to see that their personal preference for pizza was the one that the entire team shared. Anger, determination, defiance, disgust and over confidence tumbled over from the two rivals, making it near impossible for her to think clearly.

'_Man, can't those two give it a rest? I'm sick of this.'_

"Guys," Robin moaned, his mental endurance being tested to the limit as he listened to the endless struggle of the pizza topping war "can't we all just order separately? I'm sure it'd be a lot more simple.

"No way!" the two guys shouted at their leader, no thought of respect for superiors.

"Ya know BB will get tons of tofu and'll try to smother all our food with it if he's allowed to make an order by himself!" Cyborg howled.

"I'm not gonna let Cy act like a savage all his life. Someone's gotta fight to stop the meat eaters." Beast Boy countered.

Robin gave up, and like Raven tried to ignore the argument.

"Beast Boy, don't you think it's time you accepted that we don't want to become vegetarian?" Raven ground out through gritted teeth.

"No way! It's my duty to teach you guys the joys of tofu."

Raven sighed, and went to answer back but was cut off by Cyborg saying "BB, you can't get Starfire to like tofu; what chance have you got with the rest of us?"

"Cyborg is correct friend. The texture of the tofu is unpleasant and the flavour overall unwholesome. I believe that-"

Starfire went prattling on about her opinions on tofu, oblivious to the fact that the shape shifter and the half robot were ignoring her, resuming their battle for the phone. Raven took deep breaths, feeling a vein throbbing her temple. She thought a lot of her friends, but... Azar, they were so irritating sometimes.

"Will you guys just order different types of pizza and shut up already!?" Robin shouted at last. The fighting boys paid no heed.

"Robin, I don't think getting mad will-" Raven started.

"That does it! I'm calling the pizza parlour myself!" Robin pulled out his communicator and started to link up with the phone line.

Raven closed her eyes and sighed. She knew what a nightmare it would be if pizza was ordered behind Cyborg's and Beast Boy's backs. Last time it happened no one in the tower had spoken to each other for a week. They were so immature sometimes.

"You know they'll really hate that Robin." the grey skinned girl warned as the two combatants tumbled off the sofa in their scrum for the phone.

"I don't care." Robin brushed off Raven's advice in his anger without a thought, irritating her even further. "I'm ordering what _I_ like, so they can either like it or leave it."

Typical. Even Robin was determined to not be sensible about this.

"Why don't you order different types of pizza? That was your idea to start-"

Raven was interrupted again as Starfire floated over and announced "Please Robin, if you are going to order, remember that I wish to have my pizza assembled with a large quantity of anjovis."

"Anjovis!" everyone except Starfire blanched. Even Cy and BB halted their battle so they could look at the red head in disgust.

"Man there is no way I'm letting just one of those things inside the tower. No anjovis!"

"Dude, that's just as bad as having meat on a pizza."

The boys scuttled over, still gripping the telephone, to release a tirade of objections and suggestions at Robin and Starfire simultaneously. They responded immediately, and soon the four of them were arguing together as Raven watched with mounting impatience as the childish squabble consumed her teammates. She couldn't take much more of this.

"Will someone just order the things we want and have done with it?" she asked as loudly but steadily as she could. No one noticed her.

Raven glared as she had no luck in getting anyone's attention. She wasn't just going to be ignored. She was going to put an end to this once and for all.

Courageously, the empath tried to reach into the crush of fighting teens to snatch the phone away so she could make the call, but someone pulled it away without addressing her and the fight went on. Forced to back off by the mass, Raven looked daggers at the madness that came from ordering a pizza, every one of the disproportionate emotions sapping at her self control until finally she couldn't hold it in.

"JUST SHUT UP!!"

A mug sitting on the table in front of the couch exploded showing the immediate area and the occupants of the tower in china and a brown liquid.

Raven's eyes went wide as everyone's attention turned on her with looks of surprise.

'_Well they notice you now, Einstein.'_ she thought to herself.

Slowly, the others backed off from each other and the all sat back down.

"Sorry Rae." someone said.

"Let's just order quickly; I'm hungry." Raven said in a grouchy tone as she sat down as well, looking moody and impatient. In truth she was utterly humiliated.

After all her complaining about the others being childish, she'd manage to top them all in that single act, losing control of her emotions because of a pizza topping. The quietness she'd hoped for a moment ago was now hated as everyone was too embarrassed to say anything. Even hearing them all laughing at her would feel better than having them just sit there, pretending that their every single thought wasn't focussed on her outburst.

As luck would have it, she only had to put up with the demeaning atmosphere for a few seconds.

"Dude!" Beast Boy suddenly exploded, giving them all a jump. He licked his lips experimentally and grimaced.

"What-is this stuff?" he asked.

"It was my coffee." answered Robin.

"You made coffee?" BB slid out of his seat and down to the table to examine the remains of the cup and the dark stain. "Robin, you are shameless."

The titans raised their eyebrows in confusion.

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Don't you know? Coffee is a workaholic's drink."

Robin stared at Beast Boy blankly, then said "No it isn't!"

"Sure it is. It's just like you to go for something like this." the changeling argued back. As he did, he carefully gathered up the pieces of broken mug, wrapping them up in a few sheets of an old newspaper nearby and mopping up the patch of coffee with it.

Raven shifted in her seat as she prepared to get up and help clear up the mess. She was tempted to just sit there and ignore it, hoping everyone would forget about it, but in the end that would be unfair since Beast Boy was the one dealing with it. She scowled irritably at green boy for making her feel as though she had to act, but he caught her look out of the corner of his eye, and she was surprised to see him turn his head slightly in her direction and wink.

The others didn't notice, distracted by Robin's reply to BB's latest madness. But Raven saw it, and wondering what he was up to, stayed put to see how this would play out.

"Of course workaholics drink it. They made it to keep you awake when you work way too much." Beast Boy insisted.

"Well maybe if you did a decent days work for once you might think differently." the boy wonder tossed back at him.

The green teenage hero looked shocked for a moment, then lobbed the rolled up ball of newspaper to the side and stood up.

"Is that supposed to be a challenge, bird boy?"

Robin stood up to, looking more intimidating than his opponent.

"Wadda you think, green bean?"

Immediately, the changeling transformed into a kangaroo and bounded forward, driving Robin back over the edge of the sofa and into the open space of the common room.

"Friends!" Starfire panicked as she hovered above the pair. "Please, do not engage in this act of aggression!"

"Yeah, this isn't fair." Robin smirked. "It's against my principles to hurt dumb animals."

While Beast Boy and Robin began to tackle each other, Starfire continued to beg them to stop, while Cyborg whooped and cheered as he turned around in his seat to watch. That meant no one saw Raven as she picked up the ball of coffee soaked paper and threw it in the trashcan.

As Raven quickly cleaned up the last of the mess she made, her thoughts turned to Beast Boy, and that wink he gave her.

'_All this, just to spare me my dignity!?'_

It seemed like a bizarre explanation, yet the pieces fell into place so well. Even Beast Boy, who would argue black is white and up is down, wouldn't seriously fly off the handle because someone was drinking coffee. And he took on Cyborg all the time, but no one took on Robin unless he ordered them to during training. And that wink of his- not his usual cunning sort of look but an expression of reassurance that said 'Trust me. I've got this under control.'

Raven looked over at her green friend who was making a good account of himself, despite being hopelessly outmatched. It seemed that he really had made the thought and effort just to relieve her of being too embarrassed by the exploding coffee cup. By the time this was over, no one was likely to even remember it.

Raven allowed a smile to cross her face, thankful towards Beast Boy and his unusual display of friendship. He wasn't so bad after all, she guessed. In fact, he suddenly didn't seem as immature as she'd first supposed.

There was a crash of something heavy being broken.

'_Then again, maybe that's going too far.'_

"Come on Star, it's just a bit of fun." Cyborg insisted as the alien princess worried herself silly over the fight.

"Come on; bet'cha five bucks that Robin kicks grass stain's butt!"

Starfire refused to answer Cyborg. He was about to ask again when-

"Ten dollars says Beast Boy kicks Robin's butt."

Cyborg looked down towards the source of the gloomy voice in shock.

"Raven? You're betting that Beast Boy can take Robin? For ten dollars!"

"You think he doesn't have a chance?"

A strange way to say thank you, Raven thought to herself, but she owed the little grass stain some credit after what he'd done.

Cy looked back at the battle, suddenly slightly doubtful that he should risk his money as Beast Boy, now as an anaconda, wrapped himself around the titan's leader and started banging his head on the floor.

He looked back at Raven. Her face was as passive as ever, but there was a look in her eye that dared him to accept the challenge.

"Ten bucks it is!" he said as they shook on it.

Raven lost the bet.


	3. Inner demons and guardian angels

The dead of night, and Titans Tower was dark and silent. The team had once tried night shifts so that somebody would always be ready for the call to action at unsociable hours, but it hadn't been very successful so the whole team just went to bed at the same time.

Raven was a light sleeper, so it was no surprise that at that moment she woke up.

As always, her awakening was swift and immediate. Groggy was something Raven didn't do.

She looked at her old-style alarm clock as was disgusted to see it was two o'clock in the morning.

"Why am I awake at this time?" she grumbled to herself.

It was then that she detected it. A minor glitch in the environment; a feeling of wrongness. Raven had been awoken by something in the atmosphere that her empathic powers had picked up. She frowned, narrowing her deep purple eyes as she searched for the heart of the distortion. It came to her easily, and as soon as it did her expression changed from its standard fish eyed glare to concern.

"Beast Boy..."

It seemed like only a second before she found herself in front of Garfield Logan's door, knocking gently.

"Beast Boy." she whispered quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone if possible. There was no reply, but the empath heard the sound of a whimper coming from within the room.

Familiar with the current situation, Raven used her powers to phase through the metal door into the changeling's bedroom. The whines of distress were clear on this side of the door, but Raven first hovered to the window and pulled open the curtain, allowing moon light to gaze through and let her see what she was doing.

On the lower bunk of his bed, Beast Boy was writhing and sobbing in the grip of a twisted nightmare, desperately trying to escape the images that haunted his past. Raven felt her stomach contract as the emotions coming from her green partner caused her to retch on the taste of despair. Putting aside her own problem, she concentrated on Beast Boy as she moved over to his bed.

"Wake up!" she said sharply, putting a hand on his forehead to grab his attention. She knew from experience that taking hold of his hands or arms only made him panic and struggle to get free. Beast Boy stopped moving so much, but it was clear from his muttered pleas and pained expression he was no more settled than before.

"Wake-up!" Raven emphasised both words fiercely and patted Garfield's cheek lightly.

Instantly he sat bolt upright, startling Raven enough that she darted back a step and something on the desk was tossed away by her dark power going rogue for a moment. Neither of the two noticed.

Beast Boy looked around frantically, as though he was lost and didn't recognise his own room. Raven felt a tug in her heart as she allowed him a moment to reorder his thoughts till he understood what was going on.

Garfield was the youngest member of the team, yet when they were hanging out together it was so easy to forget just _how_ young they all were. It was times like this when Raven considered the relative youth of the Teen Titans members; seeing Beast Boy looking like a child lost in the dark with no hope of rescue. She wondered if she had the wisdom and experience to really be of any help to him.

Beast Boy calmed slightly as he discerned his sleeping fantasy from reality, but he looked as bad as ever. Sitting up, he curled his limbs into a foetal position and buried his face in his knees. The sound of muffled tears came from his shaking body.

A rusty feeling of compassion overrode embarrassment and uncertainty as the dark female approached the green skinned boy. He was only wearing a pair of shorts and a baggy vest, but she had no interest in his attire right now.

She sat down on the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. As expected, he suddenly lunged at her and swallowed her up in a crushing hug that would have made Starfire proud. Uncharacteristically in the eyes of others, but perfectly normal for her, Raven accepted the embrace without complaint. The nightmare routine wasn't every night, or even every week, but it was painfully commonplace.

Ignoring the dampness on her neck as Beast Boy continued to cry, Raven asked "Was it your parents again?" and felt him nod. He clung tightly to her as his body shook with sobs.

To be honest, Raven was surprised he never cried harder than this. In a way she was glad that he did cry on occasion, because without some sort of outlet for his pain he would never be able to maintain his naturally cheerful nature that he relied on to cope with everything. Raven had vast experience on pain, and the need to relieve it after keeping so much bottled up for so long, and although she herself had never had it easy, Beast Boy also had quite a stockpile of pain that he had gathered over the years.

The thing that most people (including some of the Titans) didn't realise was that Beast Boy had lived a very sad life. He'd only been a child when it started- when he contracted the dangerous and painful disease from a Sakutia monkey bite. The illness would have been fatal, so it must have been difficult to know whether to be happy or sad when an experimental cure left him with his skin scorched green and his face with pointed ears and fangs, along with a corrupted genome that gave him his shape shifting powers. Still, someone like Garfield Logan could easily have laughed his way through that and seen the fun side of being able to transform into any animal he chose. That is, if the accident hadn't happened; the incident that he had nightmares about and was quite possibly the most traumatic experience of his life- watching his parents fall to their deaths from the top of an African waterfall.

She knew he still blamed himself for what happened, convinced that he could have used his powers to save them, even though it was obvious that at such a young age and still adjusting to his shape shifting ability, he would have drowned with them if he'd tried.

From there, it seemed that Garfield's life had been mostly downhill- sure the Doom Patrol had taken him in and spared him from governments and corporations taking him away for experimentation, but as a result most of his childhood had been taken away in place of training and discipline. I was still unclear exactly what had happened to convince Beast Boy to leave the Doom Patrol, but they knew that a part of it was that he didn't live up to their standards, which is to say Beast Boy refused to be cold hearted and ruthless, opting to be compassionate and caring, something which Raven felt immensely grateful for as she couldn't imagine Beast Boy taking after someone like Mento.

Then of course, there had been Terra. The name still burned with anger in Raven's mind. It wasn't about the treachery; if, as Beast Boy had claimed months ago, that Terra was alive and well and one day the Titans crossed paths with her again, Raven could forgive her for falling for Slade's tricks since she renounced her evil ways and risked her life to save the city. The source of her resentment was the pain she caused to the team members. She felt a lot of pain for herself since she'd secretly felt a link between her and the blond girl because they shared the problem of powers that resisted control, but in truth it was the pain she caused Beast Boy that got to her most. She sensed his feeling of loss and failure where Terra was concerned, and it enraged her that he was forced to feel guilty because she'd turned her back on the people who'd offered her friendship and had used the changeling's affections for her to her own ends. Still, for her friend's sake, she kept her reservations to herself.

And finally, the Beast. Who could ever forget that problem? The little devil that constantly peered over his left shoulder, tempting him to embrace the power of the Beast at the cost of humanity- Beast Boy's personal demon, which in a few ways (albeit not many) was more difficult to fight off than Raven found it to fight off her demon heritage. At least with her, the demon inside was nothing more than a taint; a stain on her spirit that always threatened her and demanded her obedience, and it was easy to see the evil that she risked embracing. The Beast, on the other hand, was a part of Beast Boy, body, mind and soul. In its own monstrous way, it wasn't an enemy but an ally, and it offered power, comfort and reassurance in place of threats and demands. In a sense, Beast Boy stood to gain more than he'd lose if he handed control from his subconscious to the monster within, and so rejecting the Beast was more about self control and denial than about protecting oneself from an evil takeover.

As Raven considered her friend's harsh life, she couldn't help but feel a surge of admiration for the fact that Beast Boy continued to maintain his optimistic and caring personality instead of lapsing into depression and envious resentment of others. She knew she really ought to tell him that she honestly felt proud of him, but now was not the time.

She focussed all her energies on projecting the feeling of her care and comfort into Beast Boy, helping to slow his tears and calming him a little.

"It's okay Beast Boy. It was only a nightmare."

Raven felt the grip on her tighten, and heard Garfield's voice whisper "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

This was the part of the nightmare routine she hated most. The one that made her feel guilty.

She understood what he was apologising for. Not for waking her up, but for being himself. In the light of day, Beast Boy was a barrel of laughs, determined to see that the tower was never dull or gloomy, and took the rejections of his jokes on the chin, seemingly not noticing when people lost their patience with him.

At night though, when he was alone and had no excuse to ignore his thoughts, the insecurity set in. Almost to the degree of paranoia, Beast Boy feared losing his place among those he loved and constantly joked and laughed to both try and make people happy to be with him and to avoid possibly getting left out. But that too led him to fear sudden rejection by the Titans; fear that they'd get sick of him and want him to quit the team. In secret he doubted himself in every way, and it terrified him to think that one day they might not forgive him for slipping up or being annoying.

Raven felt the guilt coursing through her, knowing that her put downs and short temper with the changeling had left him more afraid her than anyone else. She listened to his apologies silently, berating herself as she knew that given the choice, she wouldn't want him to change. While Beast Boy was blinded by the thoughts that he couldn't bare to lose his friends, he didn't see that he gave a certain degree of life and joy to the tower, and the Titans wouldn't want to lose him for the world. Even she slightly enjoy his bright and positive attitude to add a bit of variety to her dark and negative way of thinking, even if he did go too far sometime. Again, she felt guilty as she remembered how she'd sometimes absorb- even leech at some of his abundant happiness for her own use when dark and gloomy got too much for her.

"You don't need to be sorry Beast Boy; I've told you that before. The others will never want you to leave the team, and I'll always be here for you when you need me, okay."

Beast Boy pulled back and nodded, scrunching his eyes closed as he tried to control himself, as though afraid Raven would think less of him for giving in to tears.

Raven lay a hand against his cheek to comfort him, and he quickly pressed his own hands against it to gain as much from the physical contact as possible. Raven guided him to lie back down on the bed, and after pulling the sheets over him, leaned towards her green friend's face and began to hum a sweet melody.

The tune instantly helped Beast Boy relax, smoothing out the lines of stress and restoring his breathing to a normal rate. He, of course, didn't know that the song he heard was a calm inducing spell, and he quickly drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Raven watched her friend to make sure he was now certainly dead to the world. Satisfied, she stretched forward just a bit more and planted a small kiss on Beast Boy's cheek. She doubted he would derive anything from the affectionate act, but the boy's mouth did look as though the corners were twitching with the hint of a smile.

Raven stood up and turned to leave, using her powers to close the curtain and replace the object she'd knock over.

Before she left, she stood in the doorway and looked back at the sleeping form, thinking on the heartache that he'd endured. Her own heart went out to him, wishing that he would understand that the Titans would never abandon him and that he didn't have to dwell on the past. His friends were always on hand to offer comfort and compassion, and while the past could not be changed, they all wanted to help build a better future for each other.

"Don't doubt us." Raven pleaded to the sleeping changeling. "You think you're alone Beast Boy, but you're not..."

Echoing the words of the past, Raven turned and glided back out of the room and headed back to bed.

* * *

"Is anything wrong Beast Boy?" Robin squeezed the words round a mouthful of bacon roll.

"Huh?"

"You seem quieter than normal; like you're distracted or something."

"Yeah man. I just took a dig at your tofu garbage and you didn't say a thing."

Beast Boy placed his thoughts beside with a sigh and said "Sorry, Cyborg. What were you saying?"

"I was sayin' that you eggs look like The Brain on a bad day."

Beast Boy looked at his scrambled tofu egg on toast and scowled.

"Dude, my tofu looks fine! I really don't need you to compare my meal to my archenemy."

"Can't help it if ya meal looks gross, BB." Cyborg laughed and took a colossal bite out of a sandwich with at least five different meat fillings.

The green kid scowled again and went back to his food and his thoughts.

"Hey man, what's up? You never give up that easy after a shot at your junk food."

"Maybe Beast Boy has gotten down with the sickness from watching Cyborg eating such a large, meaty sandwich." ventured Starfire. "Even I am starting to find the sound of squelching flesh and leaking of excess fluid slightly repellent."

Beast Boy grew tired of the conversation. He left the breakfast table and scraped the remainder of foot into the trash.

"I've got a load of stuff I need to sort out. I'm gonna be in my room for an hour or two, 'kay?"

There was a marginally raised eyebrow from Robin, but they seemed to except his explanation.

"Yo, BB! While your down there ask Rae if she wants me to make anything for her."

Beast Boy waved his hand in acknowledgment as he dwelled on the very Titan who had failed to appear for breakfast. It sometimes happened that Raven wouldn't show for breakfast, attributed to her need to meditate to keep her powers under control. All the Titans accepted the need for Raven to maintain solitude, except for one.

Beast Boy didn't really know why he took Raven's problem so personally. Maybe because there had been times in his life when he was alone and had hated it. Or, maybe because he had a strong desire to be happy and to share that happiness with those he cared about, and it bugged him to see the ghostly pale girl looking left out. Either way, he could never just put up with the idea that Raven had to be deprived of the lifestyle enjoyed by the rest of the Titans, regardless of the fact that in many cases she actually preferred it. And as far as her 'problem' was concerned, he didn't really have much of an excuse to worry about that as she was skilled at dealing with her dark energy and was used to them, and had rarely ever indicated that having her dark energy upset or angered her.

But Beast Boy did worry, and Raven wasn't always completely in control of her power.

Naturally there was nothing in his room that Beast Boy had to sort out (at least nothing he intended to sort out; the whole place needed to be tidied urgently). He walked past his own bedroom, as well as Robin's, Starfire's and Cyborg's. He then walked past the spare room and stopped outside the door that was chosen because it was further away from all the others.

"Er, Raven?" Beast Boy tentatively knocked on the door and stepped back to make room should Raven choose to float straight through the door rather than open it. There was no answer.

As always, Garfield Logan considered leaving and giving Raven some more time to prepare herself for the world, and as always, Garfield Logan quashed the idea without taking a single moment to think about it, for both the sincere reason that he wanted to greet his friend and make sure she was generally okay, and for the small minded reason that he was too nosy to not try and find out why she wasn't answering the door.

He was about to knock again when he heard a movement from inside.

The metal sheet slid away and Raven stood in the door frame.

"Raven!" Beast Boy exclaimed, before his face fell. "Whoa, you look rough."

Raven scowled horrendously, which did nothing to improve her appearance.

Raven looked dishevelled in just about every way possible. Her face was drawn and crumpled with an expression of discomfort, and her hair looked frazzled, clearly not yet washed with locks pointing in random directions. The girl's posture was loose and feeble. Her eyes, half concealed behind drooping lids, were partially unfocused and dreary. Raven looked seriously tired, but her temper was wide awake.

"If you're going to start dishing out your so called compliments in regards to my appearance, I'm going back to bed, jerk." she hissed as she stepped back again and reached for the door controls.

"Hey, wait a moment! I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that." Beast Boy quickly clamped one hand over the edge of the sliding door before it could shut again, waving his other hand to pacify his empathic friend. "You had a bad night, right?"

Raven visibly forced herself to calm down and put her irritation into perspective.

"I barely got a wink of sleep last night." she explained as she put a palm to her forehead. "I spent most of the time meditating, and I'm still not completely calmed. It's my own fault for reading that final chapter in one go."

"Yeah, I know what ya mean." Beast Boy grinned cheekily. "Harry Potter; get's me every time too."

Raven's hand moved away from her head and her eyes snapped onto the boy in front of her, pulsating with evil. Beast Boy quickly changed the subject.

"Sooo... Cyborg was asking if you want him to cook anything for you."

"I can't even think about eating right now. If I so much as look at a plate of food my powers'll probably pulp it."

"How about scrambled egg, then it won't matter?"

Raven raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure if he was joking or being serious.

"No. I'm going to the roof to meditate."

As Raven swept out of her room, the changeling looked inside and wasn't surprised to see objects strewn about and the bed looking like Cinderblock had crawled under it in search of a dropped pen.

"Do you need anything at all?" he asked, and wasn't surprised by the blunt "No." that answered.

"You sure? You don't want me to clean your room or anything?" Beast Boy tried again.

"For the first time in my life, I hope you're joking. No one goes in my room." she reminded him.

"There must be something I can do!"

Raven stopped pacing down the hall and turned back at the sound of agitated outcry.

'_Uh oh...'_

The green teenager braced himself for dire retribution, but surprisingly it didn't come. Raven looked at Beast Boy as though considering him curiously, and Beast Boy couldn't begin to fathom what she might be thinking about.

The empath watched her partner silently for a moment. Though her face betrayed nothing, Beast Boy had the feeling she was trying to decide on something. Seeming to come to a conclusion, she suddenly said "There is something you could do for me."

"Really?" Beast Boy's enthusiasm soared, but he tried to control himself so as not to put Raven off. "Wadda ya need? You want breakfast, or tea? Or a sparring partner." the changeling flexed his biceps heroically, then froze and looked back at Raven, worried that she might think he was messing around.

However, Raven ignored the gush of words completely.

"I was... wondering," Raven gazed down at the floor, looking almost embarrassed "if you had time-

"Yeah, sure I got time. What is it?" Beast Boy asked, confused as to what his female friend had to say that made her so nervous.

"Would you... be able to help me meditate?"

Time seemed to freeze in the corridor. Beast Boy was trapped in place as though under a spell, which broken only when Raven looked up at him.

"You don't want to?" she asked in a blank voice that Beast Boy recognised as feeling dejected.

"No it's not that." he said quickly. "It's just, I'm surprised. You've never asked for anything like before. Why now?"

"Well, I having trouble getting my thoughts in order and... I really could do with some help from a... close friend."

Now that did take Garfield aback. In the past it had only ever been in extremely serious situations that Raven had sincerely acknowledged her friendship with the other Titans. And of all people to make a special exception for, him- the green skinned prankster of the team who drove her up the wall.

"Um," he said, feeling a little embarrassed himself. Now was the time for a joke to defuse the situation, but he was feeling too confused by the turn of events to think of something, which considering Raven's opinions on jokes was probably the best, though he did try.

"Well, till a close friend arrives, I'm available." he grinned widely.

The empath just scowled and said "Don't joke about things like that. Are you going to help or not?"

In a matter of minutes, Beast Boy and Raven were sitting on the roof of the tower, staring out to sea.

"Just please don't discuss this with anyone. I don't like people discussing my difficulty with my powers behind my back."

Beast Boy frowned and replied "Hey, the others would understand. You don't need to hide these thin-"

"I don't like people talking about it." Raven interrupted. "I asked you to help me because I feel I can trust you more than anyone else not to discuss it. Can you please do that for me?"

This was just turning into a day of surprises. Beast Boy didn't expect that Raven would trust him more than the others. He decided just to clarify the point with her.

"What exactly do you mean that you know I won't discuss it? Because if you think I don't care enough to worry about it then-"

"I know you care, Beast Boy. That's why I trust you with this; I know you care enough that you'll help me however you can, and that if I ask you not to talk about this you won't. I'm not accusing you of not caring, and for what it's worth of very grateful to you for doing this."

The explanation was carried out in a monotonous monotone, but Garfield could sense the emotion she felt, just by what he could see of her eyes from where he sat next to her. She was truly grateful, and by the look of it a tiny bit guilty, either for taking up his time or making him think she doubted how much he cared about her.

"Hey, what are friends for?"

"Quite, now please be silent for a moment while I concentrate."

The green guy forced himself to shut up as Raven closed her eyes and adopted her meditation pose. She didn't chant or float this time, just stayed quiet and calm. Beast Boy made as much use of the moment as he could.

Raven was an attractive girl. Well, actually she wasn't really, but Beast Boy had come to see her features as pleasant to behold. Every factor of her appearance that he too had once found unflattering and plain now looked very appealing to him.

Her disturbingly pale skin- he found it eye catching.

Harsh facial features- he saw it as a sign of her inner strength.

Un-styled and oddly purple hair- unique and naturally beautiful.

It was a shame he couldn't spend more time with her, but he accepted that things were the way they had to be. Raven was just different from the others in almost every way. She didn't join in with them much when they hung out in their free time, even when she didn't have to meditate- a book was a far greater pass time than anything the changeling liked to do. Nevertheless, Beast Boy did all in his power to make time for Raven, and always tried to give her opportunities to take part in their leisure activities, not because he wanted to change her, but because he wanted to make sure she never felt left out or forgotten. He wasn't so stupid that he didn't know Raven had very different interests and tastes to the others, but he knew that Raven didn't want to end up alone, and as long as he drew breath, he promised that he wouldn't allow her to be.

"Beast Boy?" the voice of the empath, already a little softer, dragged him from his thoughts. "Could you do something else for me?"

"Sure, what?" he asked.

"Could you tell me a joke?"

Raven looked at the boy, and the expression he wore was akin to the one he might wear should it be announced that a turkey free Christmas had come early and a heavy shower of tofu burgers had been forecasted on the weather.

"You wanna hear one of my jokes?" said an elated Beast Boy.

"This isn't going to become a permanent thing. I just need something to help put my mind in a more casual state; and it would help if the joke was funny."

Ignoring (or perhaps not noticing) the jib, Beast Boy said "Don't worry, I've got a brilliant one!"

And he proceeded.

"A guy driving down the road suddenly sees a chicken running next to his car- a three legged chicken- and three legged chicken who's keeping up with him. So he speeds up, but the chicken still keeps up. So he speeds up again, but the chicken overtakes him. The guy chases this chicken all the way to a farm, where there are like loads of other three legged chickens. So the farmer says to him 'I bred these chickens because they're supposed to taste better than ordinary ones.' and the guy says 'Well are they?' and the farmer says 'I don't know, I haven't caught one yet.'"

Beast Boy exploded with hysterical laughter, while Raven just watched him rolling around in his fit of amusement. Beast Boy was so caught up in the hilarity of the joke that he only just spotted the faintest trace of a smile on Raven's lips, which she quickly disposed of.

"Oh... Raven..." Beast Boy choked out breathlessly. "I... knew... you'd... like-"

"Not bad. At least it wasn't a pun on why the chicken crossed the road."

"Come on... Raven. You know... that was a wicked joke"

"Evil perhaps. Diabolical maybe. Wicked isn't strong enough to describe your jokes, Beast Boy."

Garfield paused to think about this for a moment, then-

"Wow, thanks Rae!" he exclaimed. "I've got a load more jokes to tell you!"

Raven sighed and started to put herself into a trance, while Beast Boy explained that he couldn't tell her the one about the disease because he didn't want to spread it.


End file.
